New job and the challenges..

Yeah!!! Finally I have managed to find a job for myself, after sticking on to my previous job for more than 6 years.. (very long time you see ;) ). I guess I am exposed to the corporate world for the first time, as my previous company was much liberal regarding the timings(suited the lazy me ;) ) and also there was no transport facility that would compel me to be on time. :D As they say, first love can never be forgotten, I think it applies to the first job as well, that too when you stay for so long and enjoyed being in the comfort zone.. :)

My first job was through campus recruitment( well, I was lucky!!! :) ),7 years back when it was difficult to find a job. I got a decent package, maybe not a dream infrastructure.. :) The journey was awesome for those 6 years, full of learning, travelling, friends, late nights, new experiences and everything.. In case of learning, I have been the "Jack of all trades" and never an expert , I think that has made me more confident than I ever was. Anything and everything has either a solution or a work-around.. :) I have traveled to 4 different countries each with different cultures and enjoyed the stay at each place..Not though very friendly, I did have group of friends to chit chat with, to go out for movie and the endless gossips..:) And yeah I have worked hard to gain a bit of recognition :) You know, with so much in the memory box, one tends to become nostalgic.. :)

Now the new job, after several failed attempts, I have landed in a sea after being in a pond for 6 years. Its almost being 2 months now and still having no friends :( and literally no work compared to all the donkey work I was doing earlier. :) Good infrastructure, liberal working hours, good salary package , transportation facility.. :) And yeah there is always two sides to a coin.. :( Pros and cons.. too much of automation in finance dept, too much of e-Learnings, to much of fuss ( as it seems to me now):( , feeling lonely, losing too much of tax (hope it helps Modi.. ;)) and what not.. And work is a level down to what I was doing earlier and salary a mere increase to what I was earning earlier( not much of a difference :'( ).. Worst is I have to stick on to the timings because of the transportation facility.. :( Arrrggghhh!!!!

Ohh God!! You have been wonderful to give me this new job, but the ever cribbing me is still struggling to come out of the comfort zone(sigh). So God, be kind, be helpful, and give me the strength to adapt to this new world and find new friends :) For God you may say , you don't get it , you have a problem , and  you get it, you still have a problem!! hehehe :)

If I let you go.. Westlife

One of my favorite song.. :) In the current state of mind (read it heart ;) ) had to share it.. :P

  
Day after day, time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I cant find

The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go, I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?

Night after night I hear my self say
Why can't this feeling just fade away?
There's no one like you, you speak to my heart
Its such a shame we're worlds apart

I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I've got to choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?
If I let you go, oh baby

Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go ?

But if I let you go I will never know
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?
If I let you go

A passing cloud with a silver lining.. :)

They say there will a lot of passing clouds we come across during a lifetime. But in my case, a special one like a fresh breeze came in, filling me with hopes, sweeping me off my feet yet again and finally throwing me off the cliff(sigh) :(

What should I say, the usual silent me had turned into a chatter box, just like him.. :) People around noticed the change, the beautiful smile that filled my face and the twinkle it brought to my eyes.. It was perfect bliss.. :) Talking to him, chatting with him had become my favourite pastime, I had left my favourite author's book half way!!! Can you imagine that, when books were my only companions.. :) The world had turned upside down, he had persisted for over an year for the stupid me to agree.. And me being "ME" had avoided at every possible oppurtunity. :( Yeah you know the guilts had taken over, I am not perfect, I dont deserve such a nice person, I am going to stay alone for the rest of my life and blah blah blah... Whatever, but still the talks were ON!!! On the contrary I had started waiting for him, waiting to talk to him, slowly realizing that I have been missing him.. And finally I had to accept the fact , that I was interested in taking the alliance further and as expected everything was falling into place to my surprise.. :) We even met for a couple of times, and his smile added more magic to the moment.. :) Whoa!!! Those endless talks and chats, those wonderful exchange of smileys..

Just before I was cherishing all the lovely moments and conversations we had during the past few months, it was time to get back to reality.. To accept the fact ,that I cant be with him because of my surgery(a minor little cut on my back :( ) Even when everybody had agreed to,were happy with , it had to be stopped by destiny(sigh) :( And finally had to part ways...What do you call this?? Testing my patience or the hard way ahead for survival?? I am not sure if I would ever feel the same way again, as this was my last ray of hope. I was being liberal to myself, Yeah i deserved it kind of mode!!! Yet back to square one, back to that loneliness, back to those endless dramas awaiting for me.. :( Don't know for what mistake of mine I am being punished for?? For making my parents unhappy, being alone all this while, hurting them by holding onto my guilt's?? Never Mind, there is no way than accepting that this is part of my fate...Yeah we are still in talking terms but not as earlier, trying to push each other away so both of them move on, as there is no other choice.. :( How strange does that feel now, when the same person who brought back the lost hopes in life, is trying hard to help me move on?? Yeah he's that good, even when he himself is trying  hard to move on(which he does not show) , which makes me love him even more each passing day.. :( Practicality takes over all the love, all the emotions and leaves you so hollow...I can no longer behave like a love smitten teenager, who can wait endlessly.. I have no other choice , but to move on..

As I write this tears have welled up along with a smile that co-exists, yeah its still a mixed feeling.. Don't know whether I should be happy for him because he really deserved someone better or upset that I have to let go of him and see myself crush all my dreams of being with him?? For I still pray, that something would work out like a magic.. (yeah that is sheer stupidity I know, the typical me) But one thing is for sure, that I will cherish those few moments I dared to spend with him, and he will always be remembered as a "passing cloud with a silver lining" :)

PS : I am still wondering, that I wrote this post.. :) I guess am getting better this time.. :)

A comeback, inspired.. :P

Yeah.. I am back to this space.. to a space which was once a burial ground of all my feelings, which have all been deleted long long ago.. But but but this time its going to be different.. :) This will not be what it used to be.. It will be a mixed bag of thoughts, experiences, life, happiness and so on.. :) Hope to fill up this space now with better English and lots of smileys (which am very fond of).. ;)

Should I say that I am inspired?? Is is not obvious from the title.. :P But still I should mention that I am inspired from 2 people, Preethi Shenoy, the author and an ex-colleague,a dear friend.. :) both their blogs are dead opposite in content, with a similar name though.. ;) thank you both..

OK OK, enough of this self declarations and kind of self welcoming back speech.. :P ;) Lets see how better I do this time.. :)

Note : I would like to be anonymous to the world, but to those people who identify me, pls pls pls keep quiet.. :)