They say there will a lot of passing clouds we come across during a lifetime. But in my case, a special one like a fresh breeze came in, filling me with hopes, sweeping me off my feet yet again and finally throwing me off the cliff(sigh) :(
What should I say, the usual silent me had turned into a chatter box, just like him.. :) People around noticed the change, the beautiful smile that filled my face and the twinkle it brought to my eyes.. It was perfect bliss.. :) Talking to him, chatting with him had become my favourite pastime, I had left my favourite author's book half way!!! Can you imagine that, when books were my only companions.. :) The world had turned upside down, he had persisted for over an year for the stupid me to agree.. And me being "ME" had avoided at every possible oppurtunity. :( Yeah you know the guilts had taken over, I am not perfect, I dont deserve such a nice person, I am going to stay alone for the rest of my life and blah blah blah... Whatever, but still the talks were ON!!! On the contrary I had started waiting for him, waiting to talk to him, slowly realizing that I have been missing him.. And finally I had to accept the fact , that I was interested in taking the alliance further and as expected everything was falling into place to my surprise.. :) We even met for a couple of times, and his smile added more magic to the moment.. :) Whoa!!! Those endless talks and chats, those wonderful exchange of smileys..
Just before I was cherishing all the lovely moments and conversations we had during the past few months, it was time to get back to reality.. To accept the fact ,that I cant be with him because of my surgery(a minor little cut on my back :( ) Even when everybody had agreed to,were happy with , it had to be stopped by destiny(sigh) :( And finally had to part ways...What do you call this?? Testing my patience or the hard way ahead for survival?? I am not sure if I would ever feel the same way again, as this was my last ray of hope. I was being liberal to myself, Yeah i deserved it kind of mode!!! Yet back to square one, back to that loneliness, back to those endless dramas awaiting for me.. :( Don't know for what mistake of mine I am being punished for?? For making my parents unhappy, being alone all this while, hurting them by holding onto my guilt's?? Never Mind, there is no way than accepting that this is part of my fate...Yeah we are still in talking terms but not as earlier, trying to push each other away so both of them move on, as there is no other choice.. :( How strange does that feel now, when the same person who brought back the lost hopes in life, is trying hard to help me move on?? Yeah he's that good, even when he himself is trying hard to move on(which he does not show) , which makes me love him even more each passing day.. :( Practicality takes over all the love, all the emotions and leaves you so hollow...I can no longer behave like a love smitten teenager, who can wait endlessly.. I have no other choice , but to move on..
As I write this tears have welled up along with a smile that co-exists, yeah its still a mixed feeling.. Don't know whether I should be happy for him because he really deserved someone better or upset that I have to let go of him and see myself crush all my dreams of being with him?? For I still pray, that something would work out like a magic.. (yeah that is sheer stupidity I know, the typical me) But one thing is for sure, that I will cherish those few moments I dared to spend with him, and he will always be remembered as a "passing cloud with a silver lining" :)
PS : I am still wondering, that I wrote this post.. :) I guess am getting better this time.. :)
What should I say, the usual silent me had turned into a chatter box, just like him.. :) People around noticed the change, the beautiful smile that filled my face and the twinkle it brought to my eyes.. It was perfect bliss.. :) Talking to him, chatting with him had become my favourite pastime, I had left my favourite author's book half way!!! Can you imagine that, when books were my only companions.. :) The world had turned upside down, he had persisted for over an year for the stupid me to agree.. And me being "ME" had avoided at every possible oppurtunity. :( Yeah you know the guilts had taken over, I am not perfect, I dont deserve such a nice person, I am going to stay alone for the rest of my life and blah blah blah... Whatever, but still the talks were ON!!! On the contrary I had started waiting for him, waiting to talk to him, slowly realizing that I have been missing him.. And finally I had to accept the fact , that I was interested in taking the alliance further and as expected everything was falling into place to my surprise.. :) We even met for a couple of times, and his smile added more magic to the moment.. :) Whoa!!! Those endless talks and chats, those wonderful exchange of smileys..
Just before I was cherishing all the lovely moments and conversations we had during the past few months, it was time to get back to reality.. To accept the fact ,that I cant be with him because of my surgery(a minor little cut on my back :( ) Even when everybody had agreed to,were happy with , it had to be stopped by destiny(sigh) :( And finally had to part ways...What do you call this?? Testing my patience or the hard way ahead for survival?? I am not sure if I would ever feel the same way again, as this was my last ray of hope. I was being liberal to myself, Yeah i deserved it kind of mode!!! Yet back to square one, back to that loneliness, back to those endless dramas awaiting for me.. :( Don't know for what mistake of mine I am being punished for?? For making my parents unhappy, being alone all this while, hurting them by holding onto my guilt's?? Never Mind, there is no way than accepting that this is part of my fate...Yeah we are still in talking terms but not as earlier, trying to push each other away so both of them move on, as there is no other choice.. :( How strange does that feel now, when the same person who brought back the lost hopes in life, is trying hard to help me move on?? Yeah he's that good, even when he himself is trying hard to move on(which he does not show) , which makes me love him even more each passing day.. :( Practicality takes over all the love, all the emotions and leaves you so hollow...I can no longer behave like a love smitten teenager, who can wait endlessly.. I have no other choice , but to move on..
As I write this tears have welled up along with a smile that co-exists, yeah its still a mixed feeling.. Don't know whether I should be happy for him because he really deserved someone better or upset that I have to let go of him and see myself crush all my dreams of being with him?? For I still pray, that something would work out like a magic.. (yeah that is sheer stupidity I know, the typical me) But one thing is for sure, that I will cherish those few moments I dared to spend with him, and he will always be remembered as a "passing cloud with a silver lining" :)
PS : I am still wondering, that I wrote this post.. :) I guess am getting better this time.. :)
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